Growing up with fairy tales of Cinderella and Snow White, I always want to believe in one true love. I want to believe that one day a prince charming will come to save me from my deep sleep. The first love that will last forever. A beautiful marriage. A happy ever after. Its amazing how optimistic we were when we were little and how foolish we were to actually believe that such thing exist.
Each of us write a different story in our lives. Some married young, some have a successful career and some are blessed with a lot of wealth. In this modern world, a lot of us do not focus on marriage and building a family as much as our parents did in the 80’s. Woman nowadays are super-independent. A lot of us have loads of money, a successful career and a supporting family that the need to have a man in our lives become insignificant. Most woman need a man in their life to fulfill their emotional needs rather than anything else. I have no evidence whatsoever but I think, in the end, all of us just want to know that we are cared and loved, that our existence in this world mean something to somebody.
Who am I to write about marriage? I have zero experience about it. Sure I read a lot about it in my early twenties. The do’s and the don’s. How to be successful at it, how to be ready for it, how to choose the right one for it. I received a lot of advises about marriage from those who are in it, who are struggling with it, and those who was in it. I heard a lot of stories about failed marriages and it freak me out to think how hurtful the situation is for anyone facing it. I may learn a lot of things about marriage, but I have no idea how it will work out for me. I am in no position to be a pro nor am I in the position to be an anti for it.
Despite the constant pressure from the society and culture that asks us (especially woman) to get married, a lot of us are still single even after reaching 30’s. Perhaps those fairy tale “perfection” that we idealize in our head makes us too afraid to jump into an alienated world of marriage. We MUST find that perfect guy, a romantic , responsible, handsome, rich and caring or else what is the point of getting married? Guys want to find that perfect barbie-doll body, fair-skin, not too rich; not too dominant, not too educated; not too dumb, not too independent; not too clingy kinda girl. This kind of “perfection seeking” society makes a lot of us think that we are not worthy to be someone’s spouse due to our appearance, body type, skin type or financial situation. The fact is hurtful, because those kind of perfection only exist in our head.
Our experiences on love and relationships in the past did not do any good to a lot of us too. We searched for love too early in our lives. We fell in love in our teenage years and expect the relationship to survive years of immaturity and changes to becoming an adult. We gave too much to people who were not worthy of our love. We spent too much time and money to people who were not ready for any commitment, what more a happy ever after. We hurt ourselves, guard our heart and never believe in love again. We refused to start over. We refused to believe in relationships because we don’t want to get hurt. In the end, a lot of us decide to stay single.
I interviewed a few single and married people before writing this to get me started. I was one of the people who actually consider to live a single life forever. I think its liberating and carefree (hahaha). But I secretly prayed for the right one to come along one day. Because, like I said earlier, I want to believe that there is someone out there that is already destined for everyone of us. However, in between that thought, I also believe that there are a lot more to life than this and we should be great anyway. Single or married, we should be someone who is constantly contributing to the betterment of the world in anything that we do.
Who’s with me? <3